Body confidence? Or should I say what body confidence? Or even just confidence in general, because currently I don’t have any! I mean I probably do somewhere deep down in the pit of my stomach but it is hiding pretty well. I used to love getting dressed up and putting on nice clothes but the past 6 months that has been non existent. I have to admit I have avoided going out with friends because I just don’t want to wear nice clothes.
The fact is that the clothes I once felt good in I now feel disgusting in! Like an eww Im panicking and could be sick everywhere kind of feeling! That feeling that takes over everything. Yes I have put on a little weight since coming home from uni but I’m not fat and I shouldn’t feel ashamed of the way I look. But yet I can’t help going for the baggy jumpers, comfy leggings and scruffy bun look because ‘it’s a weekend’ and you can get away with the scruffy look if you’ve had a busy week right?
I used to go out in short skirts, shorts and crop tops all the time yet now I can’t even look at the pile of crop tops in my draw without feeling this weird ashamed feeling. I know I have always compared myself to every other thing possible on this planet but at the moment I am just lacking that sparkle. That umph to think ‘fuck it, I will wear this and not give a shit’. Instead I think fuck it lets just curl up in bed and hide because then nobody can see me or judge me so it doesn’t matter. Im suppose to be going out next week for a friends birthday but the thought of dressing up and eating is honestly freaking me the fuck out! (God sake Chloe chill!). I have brought a nice jumpsuit that looks nice in the comfort of my own room in the two seconds I put it on for, but come next week that could all change.
I guess I wish someone could wave a magic wand or give me an elixir that gives me body confidence like in Shrek 2 but… we all know that doesn’t happen in real life.
Sorry for yet another brain fart post…
Thanks Little Mayfly x
(written of course from bed, whilst wearing my scruffy weekend attire)