So I may be 22 years of age but I still hate fireworks! I don’t know what it is about them but they set me off (no pun intended). The best way I can describe it is I react to fireworks like a dog. I cower and flinch and cry until it’s over. As long as I can really remember I’ve never been a fan of fireworks. I can remember going to a display at around 8 years old and I couldn’t help but flinch and stop the tears from rolling down my face. Again at around 13 I was at a wedding but this time I can remember being a lot more anxious. I can remember my dads shirt being covered in tears. Since then I have kind of avoided firework displays.
This year I thought Chloe put on your big girl pants and go you’ll be fine. I wrapped up warm in coat and hat, took ear plugs and my camera. In my head I thought if I took my camera taking photos would distract me from the actual fireworks. I was wrong. I clung onto jack flinching, and couldn’t help but cry the whole time. I felt like what I now know is a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding in my mouth and I just wanted to run away. We then left to go to a very busy restaurant which didn’t help my anxiousness. We sat down and loads of people were crowding in. I then had to do my usual run to the toilet and breathe trick, to talk myself of the ledge.
I couldn’t believe how much of a state I was in. Over fireworks that are suppose to be a thing of enjoyment. I’m not sure what it is about the combination of flashes and bangs that sets me off so bad? It’s so difficult when your with people not to completely freak out. Especially when it’s your boyfriend’s family. I feel if I turned around and said ‘Sorry guys just had a panic attack in the toilet’ they wouldn’t have understood properly or made a big deal out of it as I didn’t want that. It’s difficult. I mean yes I controlled it but I don’t think I will be going to fireworks anytime soon.
Sorry for this ramble!
Little Mayfly x